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It’s the symptom plus how the non-ADHD partner responds to the symptoms.

For instance, distractibility itself isn’t a problem.

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Say a couple is struggling with a parent-child dynamic.

A way to overcome this obstacle, according to Orlov, is for the non-ADHD partner to give away some of the responsibilities.

Still, to Orlov his actions — in reality the symptoms — spoke louder than words.

Another common challenge is what Orlov terms “symptom-response-response.” ADHD symptoms alone don’t cause trouble.

This might involve going on weekly dates, talking about issues that are important and interesting to you (“not just logistics”) and even scheduling time for sex.