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Yes, I’ve done my fieldwork; I’ve earned my degree.

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An Englishman will survey his land, perfectly dressed and direct his staff. I’m not talking Toad in the Hole, Bubble and Squeak or Rumbledythumps which are all unavailable except as homemade treats and are actually quite good.

He will imagine that he has the armies of gardeners, workers and laborers that Grantham had. I’m talking about the packaged foods of Britain that seem to contain twice the chemicals, three times the food coloring and five times the sugar of any comparable American junk food.

Bird’s Custard has got to be the epitome of this trend — a pus yellow, chemically tainted, powdered version of the noble Créme Anglais which even the French revered. As I worked on this article, I thought it would be only fair to involve Andy, if just for full disclosure. We don’t do anything funny or odd.” As he said this, he was waving two pieces of toast over his head to cool them off.

Don’t bother trying to make a homemade version with organic eggs and fresh cream. “So I’m writing about all the eccentric things that English husbands do? Then once they were stone cold, he began to scrape cold butter over them until large clumps of unmelted spread were embedded in the now ripped bread. Ponder the fact that the English invented the toast rack for just this purpose.

Okay, much younger Englishmen may wear shoes that aren’t polished, but they will be the height of hipster fashion. For some reason my Thanksgivings are dominated by English friends.